We have a puppy now. In the mere three days, the perfect balance in our human-only-family has been disrupted. The two-legged-we have suddenly found ourselves uncomfortable in the comfort of our home. A few days ago, I reflected on how one could be happy and fulfilled anywhere. I am learning this time that we can be thrown into discomfort just about anywhere too. On her arrival, I was surprised to discover that a childhood trauma remains deeply rooted. You see, for whatever reason, she didn't take to me. Her tail would curl between her legs, she would growl and step backwards when I approached her. Then the ego came out.  The words "I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" was on repeat in my head like a mantra. I visualized a massive wall of heavy grey rocks built around my husband, the kids and the puppy while I stood outside alone. I knew this was all in my head. She's a puppy for f***s sake. But my saboteur had regained strength. It was like Voldemort coming back to its full power after being a helpless face on the back of someone else's head. I cried like I've never cried in front of my kids. Today, my daughter said to me in the car, "Mama, I'm going to tell you everyday that YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH." I started saying it's OK, the problem is the way I am seeing things and the only way I can deal with it is to work on me because it's a stupid story I am telling myself. But I changed my mind. Why try to "be strong" and sort it out on my own? Why not accept the help extended to me?  She will help me stay accountable to tell MYSELF that I AM GOOD ENOUGH and keep flexing the "I AM GOOD ENOUGH"-muscle. The muscle that  inarguably needs to be trained, as highlighted by my new four-legged-teacher.
My daughter and I have a ritual on the way back from school - we list all the positive things that happened  that day.  We added a mantra  - "WE ARE GOOD ENOUGH. WE ARE MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH."
Have a lovely day
Sending you loving kindness